Guns, guns everywhere (but not a drop of think).

So there is a "2nd Amendment rights" rally today in the town I currently call secret lair. Being what I represent, I have no problem with people having as many guns, rocket launchers, tanks, gunships or even fully armed-and-operational battle stations. I also firmly believe that I should be the only one with ammunition, and I am slowly, methodically turning this foundation into reality by carefully gaining corporate control over the manufacture of all gunpowder through shell companies¹ and will soon have a back-dated patent on all methods of bending metal to conform to the shape of a bullet casing.

Control the means of production, and you will control the output itself.

At any rate, I fully think that these nitwits should be messed with, and I think I know how: simultaneous sci-fi weapons rights rally²! I shall start putting out word that the tyrannical, imperial state government (headed by Mr. Romulous) is suggesting to remove violent-looking weapons from TV shows and comic book stores as they encourage violence in the streets. We should quickly see robed and/or two-tone jumpsuited mobs of nerds carrying signs depicting such pithy remarks as "Save our Phasers" and "Lightsabers don't kill people, Sith do". Perhaps even graphs and placards will be put up to show how handheld photon torpedoes should continue to be legal in case someone attacks you in a dark alley with a Constellation-class starship!

Aside from the ridiculing of the legitimate, peaceful gun owners³, there should be a great deal of delicious tension building up with the clash between the trek/wars factions. I can only imagine the fun if one of them points something "gun-like" at the original group.

One thing I can assure you of, however... in that scenario, Han wouldn't shoot first.

1. And via a non-profit corporation dedicated to helping disadvantaged children learn to read and write. I named it "Shellco". Its logo is a cute cartoon turtle! hee!
2. Alternatively, I could inform the Westboro Baptist Church that there was a gay dead soldier being celebrated today, and two loudmouthed, overbearing, ill-informed, annoying nuisances take care of each other! I call that win-win.
3. "Peaceful" in that they show up in a throng, brandishing deadly firearms, and loudly demand that the fascist muslim communist nazi marxist can take their guns when he pries them out of their cold, dead fingers by marching in lockstep over the peoples' elected government officials, I mean. Ah, irony.

The least moistest gun.

FADE IN:

INT. HOTEL ROOM SHOWER - MORNING

Through the steamy air, a young lady is showering, partially covered in suds. As she scrubs, a dark shadow appears on the other side of the shower curtain. Suddenly, the curtain is yanked aside, revealing a deranged hotel manager, dressed in women's clothing, wielding a large kitchen knife. The knife thrusts at the showering woman with familiar (cliche) "stabbing" music. Camera angle moves to drain, where the water is mixed with an increasing swirl of blood.

ANNOUNCER: Are you tired of being defenseless in your own or hotel shower?

JANET LEIGH: Boy, am I ever!

ANNOUNCER: Want to keep that sidearm with you at all times, but worried about water and soap scum ruining the nice clean finish on your gun or interrupting its ability to fire? Concerned that holding a pistol while scrubbing your hair may be inconvenient? That's why you need the new Shower Holster™ from AlyredCo™! We all know that the counter is too far away when you really need your weapon, so we've designed a holster that will keep your sidearm dry yet easily accessible. Exclusive "Fold Flap" (pat. pend.) technology keeps water out while precision-crafted suction cups allow you to optimally position your holster for fast draw times, and keeps it where you put it! No more fumbling for personal defense while being stabbed by a random stranger!

CUT TO:

Scene shows arm sticking out of the shower, fumbling for weapon while person is apparently being stabbed, only to come up with a tube of toothpaste that is squeezed to "dramatic" effect, squirting toothpaste out and over slowly lowering hand.

ANNOUNCER: No more being caught unawares by intruding family members!

CUT TO:

Young boy quietly snickering while sneaking into the bathroom, reaching to flush toilet. Warning shots are fired from within the shower into the ceiling, and boy looks scared, running out quickly.

ANNOUNCER: Destroy those pesky would-be shower stabbers!

CUT TO:

Earliest scene is repeated, with showering woman. Shower curtain is yanked aside, to reveal woman holding an M-16, which blows the attacker away in a spray of bullets, along with most of the sink, toilet, mirror and wall behind it.

ANNOUNCER: The AlyredCo™ Shower Holster™!  Now in 3 sizes: Pistol, Shotgun, and Assault Rifle. Ask about our new "Shower Sheath™" as well, for those that prefer to get more up-close and personal! AlyredCo™! Keeping your piece dry while your other pieces are wet!

My throne for a non-turkey sandwich!

After a hectic holiday season, we're finally through and now, perhaps, I can get back to some regular postings... what? There's still...? Oh, Shiva be damned.

Heeeeeeeeeere's Johnny!

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Well, it's been nigh on four score and 6 days ago that I've written, and it's been a hell of a pair of fortnights. This day job thing has been keeping me busy, and asking ever more with ever less time and resources. If only I had my time machine functioning! Of course, when I should be tired and go to sleep, my brain Kool-aid mans through the wall of fatigue ("oooooh yeahhhh!") with a whole pitcher of thoughts in one hand and a rubber hose and syringe in the other. I feel wide awake and can't slow my mind down; invigorated until a slow slide towards exhaustion with a sudden crash at about four in the morning. So I program, play a game or three, try to club that baby seal-stream of random thought into submission (or a new pair of boots). So lately, I've been so tired when I normally write that the creative and evil energies are a bit low. Perhaps I'm simply falling victim to the propaganda that is thrust upon me by my situationally-temporary corporate masters. Seems to be a string of wake-up-go-to-work-slam-head-against-desk-to-dull-the-stupid-go-home-eat-numb-brain-on-computer-games-sleep-repeat. So, despicable reader -- it may be a bit before I'm writing witty, humorous, and cutting prose upon this hallowed page with any more regularity. However, use the "subscribe" link to the right there and you'll be amongst the first to know when I do. Good night, sleep well, I'll most likely kill you in the morning. All work and no play makes Alyred a dull overlord. All work and no play makes Alyred a dull overlord. All work and no play makes Alyred a dull overlord. All work and no play makes Alyred a dull overlord. All work and no play makes Alyred a dull overlord. All work and no play makes Alyred a dull overlord. All work and no play makes Alyred a dull overlord. All work and no play makes Alyred a dull overlord. All work and no play makes Alyred a dull overlord. All work and no play makes Alyred a dull overlord. All work and no play makes Alyred a dull overlord. All work and no play makes Alyred a dull overlord. All work and no play makes Alyred a dull overlord. All work and no play makes Alyred a dull overlord. All work and no play makes Alyred a dull overlord. All work and no play makes Alyred a dull overlord. All work and no play makes Alyred a dull overlord. All work and no play makes Alyred a dull overlord. All work and no 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