Friday, February 8, 2013

Guns, guns everywhere (but not a drop of think).

So there is a "2nd Amendment rights" rally today in the town I currently call secret lair. Being what I represent, I have no problem with people having as many guns, rocket launchers, tanks, gunships or even fully armed-and-operational battle stations. I also firmly believe that I should be the only one with ammunition, and I am slowly, methodically turning this foundation into reality by carefully gaining corporate control over the manufacture of all gunpowder through shell companies1 and will soon have a back-dated patent on all methods of bending metal to conform to the shape of a bullet casing.

Control the means of production, and you will control the output itself.

At any rate, I fully think that these nitwits should be messed with, and I think I know how: simultaneous sci-fi weapons rights rally2! I shall start putting out word that the tyrannical, imperial state government (headed by Mr. Romulous) is suggesting to remove violent-looking weapons from TV shows and comic book stores as they encourage violence in the streets. We should quickly see robed and/or two-tone jumpsuited mobs of nerds carrying signs depicting such pithy remarks as "Save our Phasers" and "Lightsabers don't kill people, Sith do". Perhaps even graphs and placards will be put up to show how handheld photon torpedoes should continue to be legal in case someone attacks you in a dark alley with a Constellation-class starship!

Aside from the ridiculing of the legitimate, peaceful gun owners3, there should be a great deal of delicious tension building up with the clash between the trek/wars factions. I can only imagine the fun if one of them points something "gun-like" at the original group.

One thing I can assure you of, however... in that scenario, Han wouldn't shoot first.

1. And via a non-profit corporation dedicated to helping disadvantaged children learn to read and write. I named it "Shellco". Its logo is a cute cartoon turtle! hee!
2. Alternatively, I could inform the Westboro Baptist Church that there was a gay dead soldier being celebrated today, and two loudmouthed, overbearing, ill-informed, annoying nuisances take care of each other! I call that win-win.
3. "Peaceful" in that they show up in a throng, brandishing deadly firearms, and loudly demand that the fascist muslim communist nazi marxist can take their guns when he pries them out of their cold, dead fingers by marching in lockstep over the peoples' elected government officials, I mean. Ah, irony.

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