Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Entitlements (Specifically, Mine).

The life of a supervillain is generally a rewarding one, allowing indulgences and whims to be fulfilled on a regular basis with very few limits or drawbacks. Ergo, the temptation to grasp at the ripe, low-hanging fruit of a peaceful, placid1and neighborly society will always eventually reach critical mass; a tipping point that upsets the face of order by introducing it to the highly-energetic cream pie of chaos. Nature2 abhors a vacuum, and someone's eventually going to be the stone thrown from within that grimy glass house of complacency, shattering it into shards of opportunity and power that will be greedily clutched by those who are the fastest to leave brotherhood, ethics and often sanity behind.

Unfortunately, the time is past that a dishonest, hard-working individual or cadre of supervillains could make vague, open threats against a government (or group of governments) and expect a serious response and the monetary funds requested to continue his (or her!) nefarious work. Far too much competition from petty criminals and corporations has watered down the severity of such ultimatums to make them something that can generally be ignored as "somebody else's problem."

That added to the showboats of terrorist activity in roughly the past decade (the orchestrators, not the imbeciles they got to carry out the attacks) and the conveniently expensive paid-to-the-military-contractors inevitable response, public opinion has turned more towards a "shoot first, possibly ask questions of the corpse but it isn't necessary" response. This does not bode well for actually collecting on the money demanded, even if said government or corporate entity takes you seriously enough to pay out.

So! I've created KickStopper®, a new platform for CrowdForcing®! How does it work? Well, unlike the original KickStarter that only gets money if the entire project gets funded, KickStopper® takes the money immediately and offers the rewards to whomever has paid their share, all while offering a layer of obfuscation between the ultimatum initiator and the common vermin. It's win-win for everyone3!

So now, instead of moving in a seemingly endless progression of conceptualization, lab experiments, explosions, lack of funding/foiled by arch nemesis, and ultimately starting over, this should allow any aspiring supervillain that I allow4 to use the platform a way to raise those desperately needed funds.

Tonight, I will present the very first5 KickStopper® ultimatum: mine6! Of course, this is only a screengrab; you'll have to go to the full site to actually pay your dues. I'm certain, however, after reading my complete case and the ultimate threat it represents, you'll be persuaded to turn out your pockets and give generously. And now, on with the show...

(click to aggrandize)

1. Boring.
2. As we all know, "Mother" Nature is one cold, heartless and unfeeling bitch.
3. Mostly me. But rewards are nearly instant for the common user, so... maybe 90-10 win-kinda win.
4. No others will be allowed.
5. ...and only.
6. It's a fascinating project, for certain.  Why only the northern hemisphere? Well, I need to keep someplace pristine so I can keep all my stuff there. I'm thinking Australia or Rio, though Rio seems somewhat of a party town, what with all the shanties and ghettos and rampant kidnapping and murder.

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