Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Hurricane Isaac Disappointed at Being Turned Away From Convention.

Pensacola, FL, 8/28/2012:
Alyreuters - In an interview today, Hurricane Isaac has stated that he's disappointed about being unable to attend the Republican National Convention being held this week in Tampa Bay, Florida.

"Ever since I became a tropical depression in the warm Atlantic waters, I had one goal: to attend the Republican National Convention so I can always remember the great victory that the Republicans will have this year in the polls. Even though I'll probably peter out and vanish over a large landmass long before the November elections, I'll know that I was there for a part of history." the hurricane said.

When asked of his political leanings, the Hurricane replied: "Well, I wreck economies on a scale measured in GDP; I leave a huge path of destruction in my wake; I indirectly kill the poorest people in society while the richest get sweet government contracts and kickbacks to clean up my mess; and when my eye is directly on you, you know there's going to be more destruction and chaos coming really soon. Of course I'm a Republican! Also, I like strippers and whores."

The Hurricane paused for a moment to wipe out a neighborhood by swelling a river and breaking the levee. "Wow, I don't know why you guys bother with those. They don't work, especially when you've cut all the public safety programs to the bone. You should stop funding that stuff altogether."

"So anyway, I was rather disappointed to find out that I wouldn't be admitted to the Republican convention this year. But I can still be useful: after all, I am a hurricane. I decided to focus my abilities elsewhere; to continue my special brand of tried-and-true "trickle-down" on the poor and middle-class and hit New Orleans, perhaps try some of that spicy Cajun seafood, or catch some sun further along the coast in Texas before turning northward to bring more Republican values to the heartland."

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