Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Oak it all in...

Healing is proceeding well from the poison oak mishap. The itching and burning, while still significant, has lessened considerably each day that has passed. I have developed an intimate relationship to Calamine lotion.

Operation: Oakmageddon is on track for a Friday completion. Unfortunately, I am... apparently unable to recall all of the locations that the poison oak was planted. The front grounds showed no sign of additional oak leaf-shaped shrubbery, so it IS possible that the genetic tweaking I performed on it has made it ambulatory1. I napalmed it from orbit2... it was the only way to be sure3. This still leaves the possibility of it being in the other half of the grounds, colloquially known as "the backyard." I wasn't out there, but the patrol hounds might have brushed against it and brought it inside. Time will tell.

At the menial technical cover job, we were notified that we will be moving upstairs soon. Specifically, the first of July. We were allowed to design our new cubicle layout, and the habitrail overhaul is moving along. However, I do not think that my suggestion of a taco bar and mountain springwater tap was taken in the spirit intended4. Yesterday, I noticed the plan had been amended to include "Unicorn Storage". I suspect a jealous co-worker5.
Not shown: secret gold vault, genetic experimentation laboratory, SkyNet access point, shoe shining robot.

1. And carnivorous. Possibly self-aware. It's anyone's guess, really.
2. Actually, the front porch, since my orbital weapons platforms are still offline.
3. ...of catching the groundskeeper currently tending it off guard. The hilarity of watching him run around with Kermit-arms was too much to resist.
4. I believe "or else" is a good description of this spirit.
5. Perhaps one who is a unicorn meat aficionado?

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